Genesis of inner exodus

The genesis of Inner Exodus began in late February / early March of 2020. I had been guiding Seth in an anonymous fellowship for 2 years now. We made recovery fun. We had a group of friends who hiked together, ate together and prayed together. EAT! PRAY! LOVE! That’s what we did.

 

When we are focused on helping others, personal development and truly transforming, the thought of going back into the negative addiction patterns are virtually nonexistent. We did breathwork, ice baths, tapping and began to practice some really radical meditations. I was on a quest to absorb as many tools and techniques as possible, and Seth and most of the guys were down to try every single one of them with me 100%.

 

It has been my experience that when another being sits across the table with another and sincerely says “I have a problem, can you help me fix it?” MAGIC starts to happen. A spiritual bond unmatched by any I have experienced materializes. The tears are welling up in my eyes right now just remembering. It's the hopelessness, the brokenness in the addict’s eyes. But then, once they ask the question and see that it is met with kindness and compassion, a smile or a twinkle in their eye we are sure to see. For finally they have seen the eyes they wished they saw from their parents when they told the truth. Most of us only saw disappointment in the eyes of those who “raised” us. They would tell us that if we are honest, they will understand and maybe “nothing bad will happen”. Many of us heard those words, told the truth and then were immediately met with fear and judgment.

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It seems that maybe our authority figures were scared of the pain in our eyes, for it immediately took them back to the first time we fell, and they were “supposed” to catch us. Now they realized they couldn't protect us from the emotional and mental suffering life, or our actions had wrought.  But now these men saw in the eyes of another hope, solution, joy!

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Our first inner exodus meditation was held on December 7th, 2020. Our first session had 9 participants and lasted about 40 minutes. We had our journaling questions, tapping to open up our bodies and then an 8-minute guided Chakra Vibrational alignment. I cannot recall how I stumbled upon Jonathan Goldman's Chakras: 7 Minute Tune Up, it doesn't matter anymore. The only thing that matters is that I started doing it and it did something to me. I had done Aums in Yoga class before, but this was a whole new experience. Life changing. I felt like I was vibrating at a new level. I was. Then we were. B/c, the only way to keep this is to give it away! We said, “Let’s all vibe at the same and see if we can change the world’s frequency”.

We began offering energized breathing, Dynamic Dance Meditations and 3-hour workshops once a month. In addition to the tapping and vibration sessions. We got to lead dozens of beautiful souls deeper into a world few of us are brave enough to explore. The world we see and feel when we close our eyes, shut off the distractions, put on our headphones and surf through the universe that lies within each of us. So many of us have had the inner exodus. We have processed grief and disappointment in an intentional, safe, new way, releasing so many of the thoughts and emotions that weigh us down. Remember, this all started b/c one being asked another for help, then followed the direction, got healthy and then helped the being who helped him initially. That’s what the positive “what goes around comes around” looks like in real life. 

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But what happens when real life gets real? What happens when the devil starts whispering in the ear of the addict, “It will be different this time”, “You can disappear for just 1 day, no one will ever find out”? Well, if you don't have and/or want the tools / support, then things are going to mostly get rough, and fast. After a year of continuous sobriety June 2021-June 2022, Seth relapsed hard. From July 2022 to January 2023, he would disappear for 24 - 72 hours, voicemail mailbox full, no response to texts and emails left unread. He would always resurface, remorseful or reactive. Regardless, he was always honest about his actions, post relapse. Seth and I doubled down in January of 2023. He brought me onto a project with some other really great guys. Before we agreed to this new role and venture, there were some boundaries and non-negotiables that had to be discussed. After much deliberation we agreed that if he “needed to relapse” and he called me beforehand, I would continue to work with him on his spiritual progress but would need to resign the new professional role. Lastly, if he vanished with no call and did not reply to my text within 24 hours, we would pause all relationships (work/personal development/friendship) and I would inform his wife and business partners. Seth and I agreed. 

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Seth made it almost 5 months. Then he vanished without a text. The toughest thing, for me, about holding someone accountable is holding them accountable knowing it will get messy. The remorseful addict makes the promise, but the active addict will not take responsibility for anything. I sent the emails, cc’ing the appropriate parties. Seth replied, cutting me off after I had already pushed pause. I still have the emails Seth’s "addict-self" sent me. It hurts my heart so much. How can such a gentle giant become such a monster?… Addiction. Seth severed all ties with me and was planning to go on the bender of his life. 30+ days nonstop. I could feel his weight energetically when I prayed and meditated and waited for him to reach out to me. Most days I would cry or scream. I actually started to grieve the full disappointment of the expectation of ever seeing Seth again. I was grieving all of the future fun we were “supposed” to have. All the golf trips, dinners, birthdays, ball games, meetings, laughs. Even though he wasn’t physically dead I couldn't feel him anymore. So I grieved as if he had died. This comes into play in a big way later in the book.

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Then the miraculous happened! On August 9th, 2003, I got an 11 second voicemail. A meek and humble tear-filled voice said, “Hey, it's Seth. I miss your voice”. That was it! God did it. He’s back. This is it. The rock bottom. Seth went back into treatment, got healthy and we started doing some real work. We reconciled completely. We were stronger than ever. Seth was engaged in all areas of his life. We had more calls about inner exodus and the plans were starting to come together for the website and all the offerings we were going to have. I was so relieved. Running everything behind the scenes, content creation, outreach, etc. was starting to really wear on me. I could finally take a breath.

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The holiday season came and went. I knew everything was going to be awesome in 2024. The first week was in full swing, I was motivated and inspired. January meant celebrating 3 of my favorite people’s (Mom, Liz and Seth) birthdays. Also, I had spent 2 months creating a new course called THRIVING. A course centered around the tools and techniques of the inner exodus method. A course inspired by The Mastery of Love by Don Miguel Ruiz to help us heal ourselves body, mind and heart. 

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The first workshop was on 1/9/2024, a Tuesday night at 8pm AZ time. Every participant was there ready to go, except Seth. I had a feeling in the pit of my stomach. I hit the record button, welcomed everyone and sent some love out to Seth. I sent him a text telling him how much I love him and to call or text when he can. See I had already grieved his loss and had a heart full of compassion. I didn't need to shame him in text b/c he missed another commitment. And my heart is forever grateful that the message sent was with love.

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January 11th, 2024, is a day that will always bring a shiver to my spine. My phone vibrated on the counter. I saw the name calling and my knees got weak. It was a mutual friend of Seth’s who had just hung up with Seth’s wife. It was the call I had been expecting since May of the previous year. Seth had died sometime the evening before. He stopped breathing. I hit my knees in the kitchen, reeling from shock. Underneath the shock was sadness, rage and all kinds of other feelings. My heart was splitting and shattering. All I could think about was his wife, kids and infant grandbaby. His first grandchild growing up never getting to know him. 

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The grief was unbearable. The funeral service almost filled the whole church. Seth Joyner presided over the service. His daughter Haley gave the Eulogy. There was time for friends and family to come up and say a few words, it could have gone on all day, so many wanted to share stories of how Seth impacted them for the better. I was honored and humbled to share a few words about the millions of lives Seth’s ripple impacted. His enthusiasm inspired people to move thoughts into action, he moved mountains. Seth’s light shined and his vibration was felt from Arizona to Idaho.  

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You see, this whole world is vibration and light. Waves of energy dancing in a seemingly endless sea. And occasionally, maybe once or twice in a lifetime you get to meet someone who emits a vibration with such force that it can’t help but breaks your heart wide open with grief or with joy. Seth did both like a fucking boss! It has been over a year since we lost Seth. Now it is time to share our vision with the world. It is time to live life to the fullest and THRIVE! Come and join us on an adventure to the depths within and the peaks of the highest mountains. Let us show you what we learned and see if it makes sense for YOU. Namaste, my friends.  - Jeff C.